Silence and the End of All Things

Hello there. If you are reading this, first of all thank you very much. I don’t know if you’ve been reading my blog or just stumbled on it, but I appreciate any time spent on my work. You might be wondering why I stopped posting, or why there is such a big gap in my work. I’m here to explain that finally.

My life has been very busy since my last post in March. I’ve graduated, gotten a job that I love in my field of study, bought a new car, made some awesome new friends, and naturally experienced some loss. The universe is one of “equivalent exchange” to borrow a phrase so it’s only natural that to gain so much I had to have some stuff go wrong. But life goes on and we take deep breaths and we move along.

Back in March I had an incident with a friend that destroyed my motivation for writing, and almost for D&D in general. It happened to be one of my players too, which is what made it so personal. I always intended to come back to this blog, but as graduation loomed it just got away from me.

That same friend and I have now parted ways, and though it hurt me deeply in the end I think it was for the best. It was a toxic friendship that impacted me greatly and a lot of it I didn’t realize until I was out of it. I played my part in things too and I could have acted better myself but what’s done is done.

The issue with this is two-fold. For one, the group is at best at a standstill and at worst it’s completely over. I mourn the game more than anything, not for myself but for other players and the work they put into their characters and stories. I hope that one day we can pick up at least parts of what we left but if it never happens then so be it. I spent so much time writing about what I learned from DMing my sessions though that it leaves me with a lack of material for the moment.

Additionally, this situation hasn’t fully destroyed my motivation for the game but it has dampened my joy for a bit. I can still hold a conversation about the game, purchase the dice and wear my shirt proudly, but I often have to be prompted from an outside source. I don’t spend so many hours pouring over characters and plotlines the way I used to. I know this won’t always be the case, I know things will return eventually. But it’s hard to write about something that you have no creativity or passion for in the moment.

And so with this I have decided to put this blog to rest. I won’t be deleting it, in hopes that I return one day. I can’t justify the price of keeping the domain however, so soon it will change from deviousmonsterdnd.com to deviousmonsterdnd.wordpress.com. I hope that maybe in the interim someone might come across this blog and gain some knowledge about the game, but if nothing else I at least have a product I worked hard on for a while to show off.

Again, if you followed these adventures at all, thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much it means to have eyes on a project of mine that I care so much about. Maybe one day, when my life is more stable, my heart has healed and my passion has fully returned  I will come back. But until then I will keep continuing on as best I can.

“When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy.” –The Adventure Zone, episode 66

“Never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.”- Peter Pan

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